Chapter twentynine- Starts with Goodbye.
It’s about time for you to leave to the beach to meet up with Justin. You’re wearing a short red and pink summer dress, with white lace at the end. You have on sandals that show off your purple painted toenails. You’re wearing your hair down, naturally curly, with some clips holding your hangs back. Youe makeup looks as if you’re not wearing any- you don’t want to spend time doing your makeup, you know it’ll probably just be running down your face soon anyways. After thinking everything through, you know what you have to do.
You’re getting closer to the private beach, and you’re about 20 minutes early. You’ve shed a couple tears during the car ride there. You don’t want to lose him.. but what are you supposed to do? Just wait around while he’s gone getting hurt even more at the thought of him with some other girl? /// You’ve arrived at the beach. Justin isn’t there yet, but the two of you aren’t supposed to meet up for another 15 minutes or so anyways. You park your convertible, and walk towards the beach. The sun isn’t shining as bright as it was earlier, the sky now looks dull and lifeless. The wind rustles through your hair as you walk on the sand towards the water. You slip off your sandals, and look down at your feet and watch the sand sink in between your toes. “_________!” you hear a familiar voice yell from a distance. You turn around and see Justin walking towards you smiling and waving. He looks amazing as usual. You watch him as he takes off his black supras, and rolls up his white pants as he begins to walk in the sand towards you. He shakes his hair, and flashes you a toothy smile. That smile. You’re going to miss that smile. The smile on Justin’s face turns into a confused look as he sees you don’t walk, or run towards him like you usually do when you see him. You feel your whole body get heavy and ache. Here come the waterworks. You can feel your eyes watering up. “Hey Justin” you manage to say with a smile. Justin wraps his arms around you while saying, “Hey baby. Are you okay?” you don’t know how to respond. You look at the sand and then towards the ocean. “________…?” Justin says with a concerned tone. You can’t hold the tears in anymore, they begin to fall from your eyes. You face Justin and give him a small smile trying to not make him upset. “Baby…. please….” Justin says to you while trying to hold you. You back up and say, “Justin….. this summer has been so amazing with you…. I don’t think you understand how hard this is for me to say…” you begin to cry harder and harder. He tries to wrap his arms around you. You push away, and look into his eyes. He’s beginning to cry to. He knows what’s about to happen. Through your sobs you manage to continue, “… Justin I love you. So. SO. much…” you say with emphasize on the ‘so’s. Justin is crying at this point, and he doesn’t look ashamed that he’s crying in front of you. That’s something you’ve always liked about him. He’s real, he’s a genuine person who isn’t afraid to show his emotional side. You catch your breathe then continue, “… we both know this isn’t going to work, i’ve got school and you’ve got tour.. we’re just going to get hurt Justin if we continue this..” Justin is shaking his head. Tears are streaming down his face, and it kills you to see him hurt knowing you caused the pain. “no.. noooo.. no.. please _______.” Justin says to you. His voice is shaky. Justin tries to walk towards you, and you back up. More than anything you want to kiss him and hold him- but you can’t. That’s not going to help anything. You’ve got to stay strong. You’re looking out at the ocean avoiding eye contact with Justin. Seeing him hurt kills you. You’re both silent for a few moments. You listen sound of the waves crashing against the shore. “________.. I love you… i’ve never ‘loved’ a girl like I love you… I need you-” he was cut off by the shakiness in his voice. You looked up at him as he spoke to you. The wind was blowing through his hair, and you can’t help but to stare into his beautiful brown eyes that were filled with tears. Looking at him made you cry even harder. “What we have is real ________… I thought you felt the same way I do!” Justin’s shakiness in his voice turns into a more angry tone. “Justin. I care about you so much. I love you, more than you’ll ever know.. I do feel the same way, you’re going to be gone, you’re the one who’s leaving! You’ll have girls all over you 24/7, and I won’t be able to handle the thought of another Roxy incident! Justin how do you expect us to make it work?!” you yell back to Justin. Tears are streaming down your face, you don’t even care though. You and Justin remain silent. You knew he wasn’t going to have an answer to your question. “I thought I meant something to you… how are you just letting go of fucking everything we have?!?” Oh if he only knew.. this was the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make. He looked shocked.. you feel so awful, Justin probably never thought you would give up like this. The pain your heart is experiencing right now is too much, you know you need to walk away- nothing else either of you could say could make this better. Justin is looking right at you. With each tear that falls from his eyes you feel as if a knife has been stabbed into your body. You turn around and start walking towards your convertible. With each step you take away from Justin, you secretly wish he’d chase after you telling you not to go. If he cared about you as much as he says he does, he’d be running after you right? Well obviously he doesn’t care too much. He’s so mad, he doesn’t understand. You can feel Justin starring at you as you walk away. Tears continue to freely fall from your eyes, and your body is shaking. You’ve never felt this empty. Justin made you feel so complete. You had to do it though. You couldn’t sit around at home, waiting on Justin- while he could be out with other girls, meeting some other gorgeous girl that he discovers he loves more than you. You know that thoughts like those would kill you the whole time he was gone if you two stayed together, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. Now he can meet some amazing girl with no strings attached. The thought of him with another girl destroys you, it’s so hard to picture your life without him. You look down as you walk. As each tear falls from your face, it leaves a trail in the sand. //// You’re finally at your convertible. That walk from the beach to your convertible seemed like forever. You’re now sitting in your convertible, looking out at the ocean. Justin is no where in sight. You look out your windows to look for his car. It’s gone, he must’ve parked up the road or something. You look back out at the ocean and the beach. You begin to think of the beautiful memories you made here with Justin. You can’t believe he just let you walk away, you were hoping he’d at least try to run after you and stop you from this decision. With each and every thought about Justin that crosses your mind, you feel like your heart falling apart- but not only that, you know soon your life is going to feel like it’s falling apart too. You can’t imagine your life without Justin. This summer has been perfect, all thanks to him. You press your forehead against the steering wheel and just let all your tears out. As each tear hits your lap, you cry even more because with each tear you realize how difficult getting over Justin will be. He probably knew all along that he’d have to end things with me at the end of summer anyway, that’s probably why he didn’t run after me. Did he honestly think you could just stop my life and leave for him? No he probably knew you’d never do that. You’re trying to make yourself feel better with all these thoughts.. you’re trying to convince yourself that Justin is just some jerk who you need to forget. But you can’t. It doesn’t even matter anymore, you’ve ruined everything. There’s no turning back now. Either way you were going to get hurt.. you were standing at a crossroad, and your heart had a choice it had to make.. you were going to have to hurt either way. But you know moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye.